kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
