Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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