If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
