it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I sprained my soul last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
