Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
