put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
