Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I just put wine in my tea
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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