you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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