Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
