How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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