I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
