I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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