the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
