So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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