I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
