the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
