farters have to be the big spoon...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
