Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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