so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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