Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
