Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
