I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
