After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
high people should be assigned attendants
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
