my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
