he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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