the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
