That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
