The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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