I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
