don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
