i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
