whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
