with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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