they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
