they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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