I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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