I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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