my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
