How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
