One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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