She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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