hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
