just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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