i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
