I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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