We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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