The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
