So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
