ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
