One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
