we have officially lost it.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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